They own everything. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. That doesnt help them. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. 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George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. ", 9. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. (LogOut/ He always needs money! Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. 234. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. JIM STAFFORD. George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. ", 40. 02. ", 83. Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. If a dog can do it, you can watch. This cookie, set by PubMatic, is used to build a profile of user interests and to show relevant ads. "Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bulls**t they teach you in school. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. F*ck Hope. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. They don't want to hear from you . They should be more vivid. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. ", 90. Thats against their interests. ", 105. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. George Carlinwas one of the greatest comedians that ever graced a stage, and his comedy was as poignant and deep as it was hilarious. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. "How can [God] be perfect? ", 51. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. I didn't bother with him. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. . 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. They own all the important land. They own everything. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. That's the problem. ", 28. This cookie is native to PHP applications. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. They should be more vivid. George Carlin. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. ", 61. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. He loves you, and He needs money! If you're born in America you get a front row seat. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' George Carlin Quotes On . Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. - George Carlin. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. ", 116. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. Its you. "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. It will not be with jack-boots. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". ", 18. "There's no present. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. ", 120. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. - George Carlin. Broadly speaking. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? RIP George Carlin. '", 93. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ", 4. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. ", 94. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". ", 9. ", 24. You have no choice. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: Its call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., RIP George Carlin. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. ", 106. ", 29. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. '", 73. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. They never mention that part to us, do they? "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. ", 84. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. After that, they don't want to know about you. Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. "It's called the American dream . Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. We're so self-important. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. George Carlin. The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Why? Whatever you do dont make it go viral! They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. You don't. You have no choice! Just like homeless people. He saw it from a . "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. They've got the judges in their back pockets. ", 56. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. The session information includes the identity of the user, recently visited links and the duration of inactivity. ", 92. At all. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 You don't. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. "There's a humorous side to every situation. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. Because you have the illusion of choice. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. You have OWNERS! They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. ", 19. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. They own everything.. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. You're down to seven. Thats what the owners count on. ", 11. ", 121. I'm f**kin' serious! "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They OWN YOU. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. And nobody seems to notice. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. "Forget the politicians. Obedience, respect for authority. ", Want more great quotes? Forget the politicians. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. And they all vote. [] I look at war a little bit differently. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. "Some people see the glass half full. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. ", 104. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. They dont want that. And nobody seems to notice. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Maybe this time itll work. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Whats that, a bonus? I'm used to dogs. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Where are these people hiding? It takes up a lot of your time. Juno3127 10 years ago You couldn't be more wrong. You have owners. They own and control the corporations. You don't say that about cats. ", 87. '", 70. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. ' Avoid teams at all costs. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. Amazon Pay uses this cookie to maintain a "session" that spans multiple days and beyond reboots. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. Everybody complains about politicians. Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? No nothing. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. It seems only right. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. It was during the waning of the Nixon years, where confidence in government was beginning its slide down to the Stygian depths where it rests today; the Vietnam War, and racial unrest, continued to rage on. George Carlin. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. Fewer Texans. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. They are irrelevant. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. ", 10. Learn how your comment data is processed. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. ", 26. ", 52. ", 97. Everybody complains about politicians. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. Germany lost the Second World War. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. 3. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. ", 8. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.