Im struggling and I can't sleep well at night. The key to this situation progressing is your girlfriend. "The kids really love her." My father passed away the day before Mother's day . Re-establish your bond with them. After Christmas last year he suddenly informed us that he found an apartment closer to her. Thank you. We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. I am right there with you! He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. So when he graduated she "supported" him by prostituting I believe - because after I found out that she would be in my home whenever my husband and I were at work, I put him out. When you can talk with him, let him know that you love him and do not mean to sound as though you disapprove of his relationship. People tell that hate is a strong word but there is no other way to describe how. Where is this leading him? When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. Telling your son that there will be other girls in his future won't help. If you're feeling distant from your child, Coleman suggests proactively tackling the issue in a conversation. Keep in mind there is a court appearance coming up. In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. Why not invite them both to join you and your family for dinner. It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children. During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child. He might insist that he "loves" her so do not challenge that. I'm afraid we have failed miserably with my son's recent girlfriend. We had work of our own to do. If she comes with serious emotional baggage, including mental or physical illness or addictions and he loves her enough to take her as is, you need to step aside and allow him to walk the life path he chooses. I have proof that this girl was a stripper and a prostitute! She looked nothing like the picture she had sent to his cell. He said sorry but it didn't change the the fact that he lied to me! My girlfriend's son makes it clear he doesn't like me and my son You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. She talks about her own mother like she is trash and she is not. If you've encouraged his free will and chosen your battles wisely, he'll more likely be receptive to your sincere input as an adult. But if they do it after getting in a relationship, you should consider some stringent friendly actions that will limit their interactions with their new partner. What you might see as great experiences for young people may not be what he enjoys or wants to experience during his youth. First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her (the girl) anyway! How to Accept Your Son's Girlfriend - WeHaveKids Sons girlfriend doesn't say hello to me or my wife when she - Mumsnet It's hard not to mother our children, even if only in tone of voice and energy. He has no contact with his own young teen sister other that to be nasty & derogatory. Be open to his girlfriend. These people love him because he gives them everything they want. It is very hurtful, but I will continue to invite both of them to spend time with us. Please help me what to do! Hi Doc, my Son is 18 and his girlfriend is the same age. In-love with love notwith you. My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative- Obvious Signs Parents Cant Ignore, 2. The second court notice (this time with a mediator). However, I would remind him that he's not owning up to his adult responsibilities in having and providing for his woman without your help. Natalie B. justice advocate on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the Not all life paths are meant to be easy and if he chooses a hard path, we'll walk it with him. Needy Nellie. The things she said to me were unacceptable along with the nasty threatening text messages of how I ruined his life now and that I hoped I was happy. Heres what to do if you hate your sons girlfriend. Well, he turned 18 in July of that year, and then informed us that he was giving up his full-ride scholarship to the out of state college to stay closer to this girl (she is a year younger). Many things are said that night including how the mother feels the kids should be able to make their own decisions and how her and her husband met in high school and are still together. You will not get far in discussing this with him or his girlfriend. I just saw that she was posting on his FB page different things that a gf normally would. Required fields are marked *. I have not said anything critical of her until a few days ago which was after his telling me that she was now claiming all the new clothing purchased for her baby who is now 9 months old. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. But it is gonna be a hard task to accomplish. Any advice and insight on these situations of life. He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. If she is trying to distance him from you or his family. All she talks about is herself. u don't have a job, u shouldn't pay for ur friend's food! For kids who have led the straight and narrow lifestyle for all their lives, the rebel or laid back lifestyle suddenly can feel liberating. This way, he can see you are not being mean or negative towards her in any way. It takes courage and strength to do the right thing by breaking up now. This has caused some problems be I don't want to talk to my son. The VERY 1st time I met her did not turn out goodclothing (left nothing to ghe imagination); cussed horribly (every other word was the F bomb); and she was SO extremely disrespectful to my son (he just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights and took it). Parenting teenagers is not easy, but understanding the issues they struggle with can help everyone involved. We didn't feel like celebrating. It's a hormone thing in many people. My heart feels broken into a million pieces.please help me understand if Im doing something wrong. That is all. Don't force him to choose between you and the girl. Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. If he were going to give his own son advice if he were going to marry a woman like his fianc, what would he say to his son? The woman has been on unemployment since sometime in the early days of her pregnancy and has allowed the property she owns jointly with her childs father to foreclose. When they first . This is a tough one. My son recently obtained custody of his 3 year old son after a 2 year custody battle. So I told my husband about it, he comfronted my boy and he said, Yes, the girl came to my house but only help him clean his room and did the laundry. From then on, be kind and open-hearted towards her and her parents. It was his first girlfriend. Here is what to keep in mind when you're mistrustful of your son's significant other. She's nice before and always greet and smile to me whenever we meet. We have carted them about, they never offer petrol. She sounds like an extremely insecure person who needs to self-protect. Never put her on the spot, especially when other family members are present. Non-judgmental. He may feel awkward about being around her at the same time he is with his family. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. There is more negative conversation than positive. And honestly, I didn't like the girl for my son! I always tell him to be honest and don't lie to me if ever she likes someone else so I know whats going on with him. It is natural for a mother to feel territorial. Our grown children won't want to be around us if we're always offering our unsolicited opinions or judgments! Now he is in the Montana Youth Challenge Academy for three more months and all he can talk about is getting her to come visit! I feel I have some real concerns here. I truly believe that this mother and father are wanting them to get married at some pont. His Dad advised him that telling Mom doesnt necessarily mean acceptance from Mom on the relationship.I am really struggling with how to handle this! Then he showers and leaves. Just be matter-of-fact instead of angry or accusatory. He gets esteem from that. She pretends to be having no issue to me at times but I am concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship with her (mother) once we get married. To initiate that conversation, Burns suggested positioning yourself as a buffer to help break the ice between your lover and your loved ones. Sincerely warm and pleasant. Editorial post:My Son Hates His Stepfather. Kimberly Atkins from Cameron, NC on May 26, 2018: This article gave me a different perspective and some things to consider on my sons relationship. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. Get off to a good start by striking up friendly conversation and demonstrating your genuine desire to know her better. He teacher shared that the girlfriend gets really impatient with him when she drops him off or picks him up and stated she has yet to meet my son, the father. So When my niece told me that, I asked him if the girl came to the house.. but he denied it! It was sudden. Your continuing negativity will force your son to decide between you and her. Send out lots of love to him. If she is using tricks to get something she wants from her. If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. My son is mixed up with a true bitch! Please note that I have not informed my girlfriend of this as it will hurt her heart. You kicked him out. He came back after a year, when I contacted him, told him we all loved him, missed him dearly and we enjoyed the next 18 months together as a family. Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! He chose a young girl over his own family knowing she disrespected me. Generally, women who go into nursing are very nurturing, patient and compassionate people. His roles and self-perceptions have changed. Giving up his own personal hobbies and desires etc. Family advice .my sons girlfriend hates us | Mumsnet But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention. The reality is that no matter what I did or you do, this girlfriend whoever she is, is there for a reason in your life. Therefore, she is the one with the greatest leverage to make something happen. do oysters taste like fish. Don't baby him. But the thing is, Only the two of them in the house! As parents, there can be clear signs that my sons girlfriend is manipulative. Accepting. 10 Things Your Son's Girlfriend Wants You To Know - Woman's Day Be loving towards him. He will resent your trying to break them up so don't. Plus she nevers smiles. That bugs me toooooo death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. Moving on, as my son got the career opportunity, Scarlet came every week and they lived on the phone 24/7 because she cheated on him twice and he could not trust her. She is disrespectful, leaves things all over the place, waste food, milk..etc, she is rude to anyone that is not one of her few personal friends and she only has a couple. Because it isn't always breaking up with a horrible person or when there isn't any love left. You may want to introduce an activity that keeps them occupied instead of spending time with the manipulative partner. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! If he were unhappy, I can understand your wanting to change his situation. I mean, I . He has allowed her to disrespect me in every sense of the word. Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? My son met "Scarlet" (this is not her real name) about two and half years ago on line - Xbox. I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Are you protesting this relationship? They will remember all of your loving care you gave them through the years and eventually, they will change their behavior towards you. After one year of playing on line with her and several guy friends, they decided to hook up. This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . Our son was upset and was leaving her to return to his flat, he was waiting to be allowed back to collect his things. Maybe write it in a letter or note. I was really disapppointed that he lied to me! Youre his mom and that doesnt mean you can be his gf or wife. does not see any of these issues we are having with her, Love is blind I know. He is going to hang on until she or he discover that there is more out there than each other. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 24, 2012: Don't make a big deal about their engagement. The other day I ran into the mother of my middle son's former girlfriend. When she started dating Matt she lived with her aunt apparently did not see eye to eye with her mother and step father whom run a beautiful heifer farm and her mom is a school teacher. Her cooking did not last. Help! The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. I feel at a loss because my son and I have always been close until she came along. :). Reach out and make the effort. My son now knows this and will never let love for a girlfriend break our relationship. Keep in mind that my son and I were close. Questions about her commitment or plans for the relationship. His world will no longer revolve around her family's when you open your world up to include her. It is like his new best friend is her 43 yr old father. We then see pics of he and his girlfriend hanging out at the park, or movies, or with her family (taken on the same day as the one we tried to get together). During this time I have tried to be as kind and helpful to my son and his new girlfriend. They don't want to look after their kids so why in the hell do they expect my son to look after them. Published Jun 16, 2015. So the more you attack her, the more he'll defend her. They know that my husband and I don't like it at all. They spoke emotionally about how starting in June 2020 through the spring of 2021, O'Connor allegedly hosted parties for her teenage son and his friends, "facilitating and watching" their sex acts . She made physical threats and destroyed any hope of acceptance again. But yes, as the title says, my girlfriend doesn't love me anymore. She is an only child and she also works at the same place of employment as our son. He sold the Camaro he had(that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new 2016 car he purchased for his girlfriends parents). Confronting them will not likely end well. No bad-mouthing, no cursing, no anger. Ever since then she barely talks to me and barely greets me. What can I do? But One day, my niece (she's my neighbor) was staying home. 12 Dating Red Flags to Share with Your Son - Her View From Home You see he is rescuing her from anxiety depression and anorexia, due to his EQ. As if the first meeting wasn't bad, within two weeks of moving in, she was begging to have his baby. My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. And we presented our concerns. Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on November 03, 2015: All great advice, Lori. I have been helping my mom during this time. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the things that have transpired through those years.first off, my son never officially introduced me to this woman. my sons girlfriend doesn t like me Real Estate Software Dubai > blog > my sons girlfriend doesn t like me Jun 12, 2022 british airways sustainability report 2020 The hard part is hoping your son will wake up before making any lifelong commitment to this girl. Sometimes, mothers assume their children know they are loved but it is important to express it in words as well as actions. What d you do in this case ? Sometimes, a seemingly "nice" kid will be attracted to a "bad" girl because she represents the side of him that he wishes he could express. When the opportunity arose, we did mention that it might be a good idea to look into their future together to see what type of mother and wife she would make because he would have to fill in for any of her deficits there. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on March 13, 2018: To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. Why? What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. Then things got even worse. She is having a problem mainly because my girlfriends family background is of a poor family. It seems that you have raised a young man who is independent, open-minded, tolerant . We were trying to give him support until he found his first professional job. But this is not just a girlfriend. My advice is to show only love and kindness toward your sons and their girlfriends. The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms (she has never been welcome in my home). Be sure that whatever you say is not your opinion but stick to facts. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. Plus, you have been a great financial help to your mother, and she might feel that you will be strapped if you also have to support your girlfriend, too. Remember that he is an adult and just because you're his mother doesn't mean you can tell him what to do anymore. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. Do not address the negative comments that she is making to others or she will have to defend herself and she'll get resentful towards your fianc. We feel so sorry for him as it is obvious at times he feels so pulled from pillar to post. He left home and married a woman much older than him, without telling any of his family, we only found out on Social Media. Kids, especially teens in their first relationship, may not recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. It will drive him away like it did with us. We are in a day where accusations can and will destroy a person. And father. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content. Warning: strpos(): Empty needle in /srv/users/serverpilot/apps/dim-wp/public/dog-breeders/index.php on line 1 Warning: strpos(): Empty needle in /srv/users . But if we could prevent that, if he could trust us his family who loves him unconditionally and forever, could he rethink this choice? This is the mother of your child and the mother of her grandchild. Ask Amy: I don't like my son's girlfriend - Marin Independent Journal The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. 3 Steps To Getting Teens On Board With Your Significant Other: 1. I have relived the last 1-1/2 years over and over in my mind. Stop thinking he doesn't like you and your son. Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids. Physical abuse and aggressive language are obvious signs parents should notice instantly. She is a sad mixed up little kid who turned 18 yesterday but has been living a life of an 18 year old for two years anyway. And that he will find it in his heart to forgive you for any mistakes you made as a mother because you only intended to raise him well.