You do you, but that's gonna be a hell no for me, dawg. That same year, The Zoe Report noted that "the ugly pant is cool again," and we began spotting more and more Everlane Wide Leg Crop Pants out in the wild, creating a sea of beautiful young women who for some reason choose to dress like dowdy elementary school math teachers. This only makes me feel more validated in my hatred of super-unflattering pants. I've begrudgingly tried on all of these cursed trousers, and never been able to accept them. I want something a little Baywatch-era Pamela Anderson, a little Beverly Hills, 90210a jean that's a little tight, but not anything that could qualify as a "jegging"; a shape that's body-skimming, but not sausage-case-esque. Learn about the Lyst app for iPhone, iPad and Android. There is, it turns out, life after skinny jeans. However, I seem to have come across the actual best mom jeans, only to discover that I'm the last to find out about them. They are lifting, cinching, and yet as comfortable as a pair of sweats; I can jump on my trampoline in them (yes, I have a small home trampoline, so what; quarantine was tough on us all) and they don't dig in anywhere. Only after I got my order confirmation did I start rifling through the many reviews to read more specs, and that was when I discovered a grip of comments noting that many buyers had seen these jeans on TikTok. But after the trauma of surviving that era of jeans so low-waisted they were virtually unwearable unless you had a sub-18.5 BMI and a Brazilian, the return to pants that don't expose several inches of crack when you bend the slightest bit forward has been a welcome return. Stradivarius wide-leg jeans are a closet essential. Say what you will about skinny jeans and Zoomers' perception that they're cheugy, but at least they don't tent your legs in billowing tubes of fabric that conceal the (surely lovely) shape of your thighs and calves. That's not to say that finding flattering mom jeans has been easy. But these jeans, I quickly noticed, had nearly 190 reviewsa huge jump up from the average of, like, two to four. Here's what I want out of jeans, in 2021: denim that is firm and holds shape, but has a little bit of stretch; a fit that grazes the belly button without covering it; high back pockets, angled slightly for optimal booty flattery; a tapered, slightly cropped leg; and a light wash (or, even better, a variety of washes and colors to choose from). Those pesky, barely legal TikTokers have got us feeling middle-aged by the time we're 30. split front mom jeans with stretch in ecru-White, Stradivarius Women's Oversized Knitted Jumpers, Stradivarius Women's Cropped Knitted Jumpers, Stradivarius Women's Quarter Zip Sweatshirts, Stradivarius Women's Brown Knitted Cardigans, Stradivarius Women's Black Lace Up Ankle Boots, Stradivarius Women's Oversized Crew Neck Jumpers, Stradivarius Women's Cable Knit Cardigans, Stradivarius Women's Cream Knitted Cardigans, Stradivarius Midi Dresses With Sleeves for Women, Stradivarius Women's Super High Waisted Trousers, Stradivarius Women's Faux Leather Jackets, Stradivarius Women's Knitted Camisoles And Tanks, Stradivarius Women's Heeled Ankle Sandals, Stradivarius Drawstring Hoodies for Women, Stradivarius White Camisoles And Tanks for Women, Stradivarius Women's Tailored Wide Leg Trousers. Back in 2017, The Cut implored us to "Succumb to the Siren Song of Unflattering Pants," and I refused. I feel like an 80s groupie goddess, just as I had dreamed. ), When perusing the many, many (3,229, as of today) varieties of women's jeans currently being sold on ASOS, I came across the Stradivarius Slim Mom Jeans, or if you wanna hear the whole name verbatim, the "Stradivarius organic cotton slim mom jeans with stretch in washed blue." Plus, it turns out that SSMJs also come in Petite and Tall sizing, so perfect-jean hunters of all heights can partake. The zoomers were right. Because the taper of genuine vintage mom jeans never quite looks right, and the waist-to-thigh ratio also seems screwy, either creating huge gaps in the back oras old jeans are devoid of now-ubiquitous elastanesqueezing my proportionally thicc drumsticks with such force that I can't even pull them up all the way. VICE may receive a commission if you buy products through the links on our site. We can't afford to buy houses, we're ruining the diamond/cereal/auto industries, and if you ask Zoomers, we're a bunch of dorks. Yep; they're the bomb. (Au revoir.). Now, ASOS waited until very recently to allow product reviews on its site, so the majority of clothing on the online megaretailer has very few comments or ratings. Buying pants is tough, and I rarely do so online because 1) product photography can be so deceiving on models, who are literally hired because they look good in everything, and 2) I absolutely hate returning things. I have jeans that were $70shoutout Topshopand jeans that were $250shoutout RE/DONEand I've learned that price really has little correlation with how much you end up loving a pair of jeans. STR straight leg cargo pants in washed pink, slim tailored pants in dark beige-Neutral, Petite wide leg relaxed dad pants in chocolate brown, Petite dad jean with split hem detail in vintage blue-Blues, slim mom jean with stretch in stone-Neutral, elasticized waist relaxed pant in beige-Neutral, slim mom denim short with rip in mid wash blue, Tall printed dad jean in celestial print-Multi, cropped organic cotton slim mom jeans with stretch and rip in light blue-Blues, super high waist skinny jean in dark wash-Blues, tailored pants with split hem in ecru - STONE - WHITE, Petite super high waist skinny jean in dark wash-Blues, STR Petite straight leg cargo pants in washed pink, Petite wide leg linen look dad pants in green, slim mom denim shorts in medium wash-Blues, seamless ribbed leggings in slate blue-Blues, Petite mom fit vintage jeans in light wash-Blues, STR straight leg cargo pants in mint-Green, Tall wide leg linen dad pants in natural-Neutral, contrast two tone denim short with raw hem in blue-Blues, ribbed pants with split hem detail in brown, STR tailored flare pants with split hem detail in beige-Neutral, organic cotton slim mom jean with stretch in white, Petite slim mom jean with stretch in medium blue, seamless ribbed leggings in mushroom-Brown, wide leg relaxed dad pants in beige-Neutral, flare pants in blue tie-dye - part of a set, organic cotton ripped slim mom jeans with stretch in medium blue-Blues, Petite seamless ribbed leggings in mushroom-Neutral, super wide leg tailored pants in stone-Neutral, Petite seamless ribbed leggings in chocolate brown, Tall organic cotton slim mom jean with stretch in ecru-White, velour wide leg sweatpants in brown - part of a set, slim mom jeans with stretch in lilac-Purple, ripped mom denim shorts in light wash blue, seamless ribbed legging short in chocolate-Brown, wide leg linen look relaxed pants with cargo detail in natural-Neutral, seamless ribbed legging short in chilli red, cotton slim mom jean with stretch in ecru-White. After some hashtag-surfing, I found the motherlode of 'Toks dedicated to Stradivarius slim mom jean fandom: SSMJ (Stradivarius Slim Mom Jean) devotees on TikTok praise the jeans perfect amount of stretch, magical form-fitting powers, and ability to accommodate a variety of waist-to-hip ratios. Lyst has an extensive range of wide-leg jeans from Stradivarius available in various styles and colors, with an item to suit everyone. No one told us M-words that we'd ever have to find yet another new pant leg style du jour, and those shapeless wide-leg highwaters that Zoomer art school girls are all in on offer little appeal to me. (Though, I later found that they also come in a bunch of other colors, from black to green to pink to bright red.). When vintage shopping, one confounding realization that arises from trying on jeans from the 80s and early 90s is that maybe our bodies are shaped differently now, or something? Slim Mom Jean With Stretch in Authentic Blue, not that there's anything wrong with that, Backed Hard: The Best Stuff We (Actually) Bought in May, unless you had a sub-18.5 BMI and a Brazilian, How to Shop for Jeans as a Non-Binary Person, Succumb to the Siren Song of Unflattering Pants. A reasonable compromise seems to be the modern interpretation of "mom jeans," a term once used as an insult during the low-waisted heyday of the early aughts but now fully re-embraced as a desirable look. On ASOS, reviewers call them the most comfortable pants I own, perfect, and the best jeans ever, praising the fit, fabric (99% cotton, baby), and vintage vibe. I'm not a "geriatric" millennial, because that makes it sound like I've gone straight from Lit Lounge into a nursing home, but nonetheless I'm firmly in the age zone where I've seen Justice live, like, five times without even trying; lived in Williamsburg long before the Whole Foods moved in; had a side part for 10+ years (not that there's anything wrong with that); and, perhaps most stereotypically of all, I'm still struggling to figure out life after skinny jeans. Wide Leg Jean With Contrast Stitch - Blue, Wide Leg Side Stripe Denim Culotte - Blue, Organic Cotton Cropped Wide Leg Jean - Natural, Tall Minimal Wide Leg Cropped Jean - Blue, Wrap Tie Long Sleeve Beach Crop Top Co Ord - Black, Asos Design Curve Long Sleeve Wrap Top - Black, Neither Strappy Heeled Sandals - Multicolor, Stradivarius Wide-leg and palazzo pants for Women, Stradivarius Pants, Slacks and Chinos for Women, Stradivarius Straight-leg jeans for Women, Stradivarius Capri and cropped jeans for Women, Stradivarius Track pants and sweatpants for Women, Stradivarius Capri and cropped pants for Women, Vince Camuto Wide-leg and palazzo pants for Women, Roxy Wide-leg and palazzo pants for Women, adidas Wide-leg and palazzo pants for Women, DKNY Wide-leg and palazzo pants for Women, XCVI Wide-leg and palazzo pants for Women, Stradivarius Ausgestellte Jeans - sterreich, Stradivarius Ausgestellte Jeans - Deutschland, Jeans pattes dlphant Stradivarius - France, Jeans a zampa d'elefante Stradivarius - Italia, Stradivarius-Jeans met wijde pijp - Nederland. The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. (Typical millennial pathetic. But I get it: Its time to move on. Having grown up with the Ramones and Debbie Harry as my denim idols, I don't feel persuaded to let some Zoomer who thinks of 2014 as the "good old days" pry my longtime jean shape of choice from my increasingly freckled hands. Read more. By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content. The ass situation is magical; we're talking A+++ pocket size and placement. These jeans seemed to check all the boxes, are made of organic cotton (which is always a plus even though I'm not entirely sure why), and were only 30 bucks, so I quickly pulled the trigger. But I waited it out, and thank god, it's all been worth it. A couple of days later, they arrivedand to my delight, they really do rock as hard as the Tok'ers say. At the turn of the millennium, we lamented how they flattened asses and swallowed belly buttons with their sky-high, tight waists. Yes, I'm looking for a unicornbut I think I've finally found it. Stradivarius' slim mom jeans are perfect for those of us who don't know where to go from skinnies and still want a form-fitting, super-flattering pant. They're just the right level of thickness, and they feel durable with just enough stretch to smooth over anything one would wish to be politely brushed under the denim rug (a lumpy bit, a just-consumed burrito). The reviews are also super solid: Currently, the cumulative rating stands at 4.6 stars out of 5, whereas the average crappy ASOS fast-fashion pant hovers in the three-star range. Everyone has different bods and dreams, so for reference, my silhouette is hourglass-ish, with a smaller waist and calves, a peachy, generously sized tuchus, and thighs made for crushing the skulls of my enemies, and finding mom jeans that look good on me has been a several-years-long journey, one in which hundreds of dollars have been essentially fed into a paper shredder and a dejected pile of denim has been pushed to the back of the closet, then eventually donated to the Hollywood Goodwill. It's hard out here for millennials. One Washington Post writer even declared that she fully "gave up on flattering clothing." Sometimes, fashion moves in a direction that it seems universally agreed upon is poorly conceived, fugly and not even particularly comfortable, and such is the case with whatever has been going on with pants for the last three or four years.